Wednesday, June 11, 2008

75 things I may or may not be able to do....

Tagged by Reba---The Rules: Bold the things you can do and you leave in normal type the things you can’t. Sarcastic comments in parenthesis are encouraged.

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. (One of my best...: If you have a drink, you’ll feel better.)
2. Tell if someone is lying. (I am a 4th grade teacher after all...and married to a cop..I have this one in the bag!!!)
3. Take a photo. (Note: the word “well” wasn’t used.)
4. Score a baseball game. (I do not have a clue how this is done..even after looking over the shoulder of a man at a Nationals Game who thought I was stalking him.....)
5. Name a book that matters. (Ummm, the Bible?)
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible. ( Do the Jonas Brothers count?)
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. (Like in the oven or stove top? Yes. And for the record, I am not allowed to touch the grill)
8. Not monopolize the conversation. (Have you met my husband?)
9. Write a letter. (A long, lost art.)
10. Buy a suit. (Like a bathing suit? Going to do that tomorrow. Say a prayer.)
11. Swim three different strokes. (I could at some point in my life..not so sure about it now)
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch. (my husband says I hit "like a girl..whatever the hell that means!!)
14. Chop down a tree. (I thought when they fell a bunch of guys race out with chainsaws)
15. Calculate square footage. (But can I teach 10 year olds how to do it...NO)
16. Tie a bow tie. (Fortunately my husband has sworn off ties)
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. (They call this a gift)
18. Speak a foreign language. (After six years of Spanish, all I can recall are a few words but I am learning a few of the "dirty" ones from my studetns..go figure)
9. Approach a woman/man out of his/her league. (With a drink, of course.)
20. Sew a button. (But really, that’s it. No hemming. No Halloween costumes from paper patterns. No curtains into clothes for the family.)
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. (Can I kick?)
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn’t have to ask after it. (Who is he? and what is he asking?)
23. Be loyal. (To. A. Fault)
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. (His current drink of choice is Blue Moon.)
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it. (Is this the foreign language question again?)
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat. (I have done it but not very well. I am a firm believer that seafood belongs in a tank that I cna order for dinner.)
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid. (I think I can win this one.)
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped. (Enough with the foreign languages.)
30. Feign interest. (Again, have you met my husband? KIDDING.)
31. Make a bed. (Yes, everyday. I prefer to only do it when I have just washed the sheets, whn company is coming, or if I am bored out of my mind)
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. ( How about YUM?)
33. Hit a jump shot in pool. (I cna;t even figure out how to play pool on Wii)
34. Dress a wound. (Isn't that what EMTs are for???)
35. Jump-start a car. Change a flat tire. Change the oil. (I CAN put air in tires. Just did that yesterday. Go me! Oh, and I know where the spare is)
36. Make three different bets at a craps table. (My time in Vegas is best spent at the slots)
37. Shuffle a deck of cards. (of course..)
38. Tell a joke. (So, a horse enters a bar)
39. Know when to split cards in blackjack (see above question regarding craps)
40. Speak to a seven-year-old so he/she will hear. (Not as easy as it sounds. And sometimes money and/or candy is involved.)
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear. (See previous answer.)
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear. (Try shrieking..and I might add I am the most successful with dogs.)
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help. (that is why I got married
44. Ask for help (still trying to master this one)
45. Break another man’s grip on his wrist. ( I would suggest biting.)
46. Tell a woman’s dress size. (Look at the tag.)
47. Recite one poem from memory. ( DO limericks count??)
48. Remove a stain.
49. Say no. ( I have gotten really good at this. Ask my husband and the PTO.)
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up. (I have tried..to no avail)
51. Build a campfire. (Again...this is why I have a husband)
52. Step into a job no one wants to do. (You mean like cleaning up after the dog or kid vomit? I so qualify.)
53. Sometimes, kick some ass. (See #13.)
54. Break up a fight. (Sometimes it hurts.)
55. Point to the north at any time. (Again with the math. Ugh.)
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is (as in Buzz Lightyear????)
58. Avoid boredom. ( this is why the Internet was created, yes)
59. Write a thank-you note. (Another lost art. )
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. (Starbucks, Diet-Coke, Pop-Tarts...I could go on.)
61. Cook bacon. ( Does heating Micro-Bacon count?)
62. Hold a baby. (Duh.)
63. Deliver a eulogy. (Can’t imagine.)
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch (Hello, didn't I mention I teach 4th grade)
65. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap.
66. Throw a football with a tight spiral. (How about loose spiral?)
67. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably (no clue)
68. Find his/her way out of the woods if lost. (Why would I be in the woods???.)
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands. ( Not that I like to. Ew. Germs.)
71. Iron a shirt. ( Not that I like to. Ew. Work.)
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car. (Have had one since 9/11)
73. Caress a woman’s neck. (Again, I’m confused. I could tell him how to do it but I have yet to hear the song “Kiss the Girl” enough to cross the line.)
74. Know some birds. (You mean like personally? Because that would make me really crazy.)
75. Negotiate a better price. (Just ask my dry cleaner.)

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